By Lisa Kilion

Here’s what families dealing with PANS/PANDAS and Lyme could really use in their stockings this year. In David Letterman fashion, I’ll list these backwards:

10. An all-expense paid trip to the next PANS/PANDAS/Lyme disease conference! You know you love it. It’s like a big old family reunion, the kind you used to enjoy when you were a little kid. Everyone knows what you’re talking about, everyone adores and accepts you. There’s no place like home.

9. Complimentary legal services to sue those doctors who accused you of Munchausen’s by proxy.

8. An introductory appointment with your favorite PANDAS/PANS or Lyme doctor, with NO waiting period.

7. A year’s supply of….supplements. Yes, you can have it all…from probiotics to Buffered Vitamin C to Enhansa and Adrecor. Ladies and Gentlemen, this prize is worth mega-millions.

6. PANDAS/PANS summer camp. Your child can swim with the dolphins, horseback ride across fields that are swept for ticks, swim in lakes that have been checked for germs. And meet other kids who are PANDAS survivors. You, too, may swim with the dolphins unless you prefer to roll around with the panda bears.

5. PPEWS (“Practically Perfect in Every Way School.”) PPEWS caters to your child’s immune issues, attention deficits, sensory sensitivities and other learning/processing issues that improve or deteriorate depending upon your child’s health. PPEWS guarantees that your child will be more than ready for any challenge he or she wishes to someday pursue. PPEWS teachers enthusiastically share their love of learning with your child—and your child responds in kind.

4. A brand-new house with doors, TVs, computers and glass that cannot be broken when a child is raging. Knives are automatically locked up with a push of a button. The bed is king-sized x 2 for those nights that your child has severe separation anxiety.

3. Free meal service that caters to the dietary needs of each member of the family, free clean-up crew for all breakages and messes. Wait…there’s more! Free health insurance that covers all doctors, even those who do not take health insurance!

2. An all-expense paid, private plane trip for the entire family to a germ-free, tick-free tropical resort, complete with PANDAS/Lyme doctors and babysitters for two years or until your child is healthy again. Free yoga, drink of choice and whatever else helps you mellow out. You’ll be surrounded by fellow PANS parents who won’t blink an eye if your child happens to be PANDASSY.

1  A magical clock that stops time. You can hit the stopwatch whenever you wish to wander anywhere or to any time–sideways, forwards or backwards.

Step back to that time before your child became ill and do what you can to prevent this disease–get those antibiotics or homeopathic treatments started, move to a country that doesn’t have germs or ticks, avoid vaccinations–whatever you can accomplish by turning back time.

Or take a stop-the-world-I-need-to-get-off-day or month or year. Lounge on the beach by yourself to listen to crashing waves or stroll through a city halfway around the world without worrying about your family.

Or leap ahead to see how much your child has recovered and how the world now recognizes this disease. Walk into a pediatrician’s office and see the tests for PANS and Lyme that are given on a daily basis. Take a ride in the subway and see the advertisements for the latest PANS drugs that have basically wiped out this disease.

Can you think of other gifts? What would you choose and why? We wish everyone health, no financial worries and happiness. We wish for you that someone in your family or your circle of friends believes in you and supports you. We wish that you have found a good doctor who has a plan for treating your child.

Please know that there are other parents out here thinking of you, caring about you and hoping for you. Wishing you hope, healing and love.

Lisa Kilion is the mother of a son with PANS and Lyme disease. She is active with the Lyme Disease Challenge and writes the blog PANS Life, where this article first appeared.